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Do I want to have sex?

You decide for yourself when it’s right for you to have any sexual experiences, but do you know how to work out what you really want?!?

It’s important to know what you want. Take time to think about and notice what feels good and not-so-good for you – then, as long as it’s respectful of other people too, keep heading in the direction of what feels good.

Did you know?

You can get a prescription for 144 condoms $5. At Family Planning it’s free to see a Dr or a nurse if you are under 22. Click me!

Remember, there’s more to sexual experiences than just what feels good physically. It also involves emotions, values and wairua, so remember to think about these aspects of feeling good in a sexual situation too.

Take Time to Figure it out

Sometimes it can be hard to figure out what you do and don’t like sexually and it can change over time. People don’t figure it out all at once. It’s important to keep focused on being respected and giving respect to others. Go at your own pace, take your time, gather information, talk to people you trust, ask professionals, read about other people’s stories, or write about your own experience, whatever works for you.

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Outside Influences

There are lots of things that can influence the decisions we make about sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
- these include media, social normsSocial Norms
These are the ’rules’ we have in our communities that let us know how we are expected to act in different places, with different people and in different situations. Our norms develop from customs, traditions and values within each community. Social norms don’t always reflect the true positive values of the communities they developed in and can sometimes be very damaging to many people.
, family and whānau, friends, spirituality or religion, gender and/or ethnicity.

Did you know?

Is a free agreement between everyone involved in any sexual experience. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on.
needs to be free from any pressure or force, this inc. blackmail or guilt.

Quite often the messages we get from different places and different people conflict and can make things confusing. To make sure you are making decisions based on what you really think and feel, keep checking in with yourself that what you want is sexually respectful for you and others.

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Come on in to the Sex’N’Respect website!

Just a heads up, this website has some stuff about sexual violence which might be upsetting,
especially if you or someone close to you has experienced it.

If you find yourself getting upset, make sure you get support or take a few deep breaths
and think about something that makes you smile.

Some of the topics in here may also conflict with your beliefs.
We think that if a person is harming someone, or their human rights
IT IS NOT OK - no matter what your beliefs are.

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