Stories

Read about out how other people have struggled with sexually harmful behaviour and have started making a positive difference in their lives.

Please note the content of these stories is a bit full on – you don’t have to read them if you don’t want to. Also the images used on this page are not photos of the people telling these stories.

Steve's Story

I dated a girl named Jane when I was 16. We would kiss and all that, but I really wanted to go further. If she said she didn’t want to, I thought she was just saying no because she was shy and really wanted to say yes. I was wrong. She broke it off with me because she said I was too pushy. I was really angry and frustrated after that.

I dated Sandra just before I turned 17. She hadn’t had sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
before. It took months of asking and trying to talk her into it. I felt really stink, like she didn’t want to have sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
with me EVER. I told her we needed to have sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
- we’d been dating for over 3 months! She nodded and I asked her when she was next free. She told me next weekend, when her parents would be out. That weekend came, and she said she still wasn’t ready. I felt like she had to - she promised.

We had sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
. I didn’t hold her down, so I found it hard to see how what I did was rape. She could have walked out. I didn’t lock the door. I know now she was scared and didn’t know how to make me stop.

Some people came to my school and talked about sexual violenceSexual Violence
Is a general term that covers any sexual stuff a person does not consent to. later that month. I talked to my mate after class about having sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
with my past girlfriends and asked him if he had the same issues as me. He said, “No way man, we only do it when we both want it. It was weird to talk about at first, but now it’s sweet. You can’t just force someone to have sexSex
Is different things people choose to do to actively express sexuality and sexual feelings; often this involves genitals, but not always. Other words used in place of “sex” could be “sexual activity”, “sexual experiences”, or just “sexual” – they all mean the same thing. Sex can involve one person (i.e. masturbation) or more. When we talk about sex, we are not just talking about a man putting his penis into a woman’s vagina – there are heaps of ways people can have sex.
For sex to be fun, legal, respectful and pleasurable there must always be CONSENT.
with you, even if they promised – that’s not ok.”

I still felt really bad so I called a helpline and talked to a great guy about how I was feeling. He didn’t shame me out at all. He told me some places to get more info. I didn’t know that heaps of bad sexual stuff happens without physical force or violence; emotional blackmail and verbal threats are just as bad.

I talked to my school counsellor and she put me in touch with a therapist, and I’m just about to pluck up the courage to make an appointment to go see him.

I now know there are so many different types of harmful sexual experiences. Realising that you are causing someone to have a bad sexual experience is the first step. The next step is to stop and ask for help. It is never too late to change. For me, help was just a phone call away.

Find places to get help or advice.

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Tanya's Story

I was 11 when my parents broke up. Me and my mum moved in with this new guy and his kids. We moved to a new city to live with them. That was cool because that meant we got away from my granddad and his mates. Long story short, my granddad and his mates sexually abused me - it was really horrible and screwed.

I thought everything was gonna be wicked with this new family. But I got pissed off heaps. It sucked that I had to be a big sister, so I started playing games with these kids. They trusted me. They were really little, so they didn’t know these ‘games’ weren’t normal. I got to be in control and make them do stuff to each other. Sometimes the games were nice, normal and fun, mostly if other people were around. Other times, if we were alone and I got angry, the game changed - there was lots of nasty sexual stuff I got them to do. They didn’t tell, it was just a game, and if they ever said something weird I just said they were making stuff up.

When I was 15 my mum got a call from a teacher who was worried about some stuff my youngest step-brother was doing in class. My mum asked him a heap of questions. He started talking about the games.

I didn’t say anything. I hid in my room. My step-dad came up and found me. I lied, I lied about everything. But he knew. He had talked to all the kids and they all said the same things. I cried so hard, I wanted the earth to swallow me up. I felt so ashamed.

They were so hurt and angry but they took me to get help. It was really hard; harder than anything I’ve ever had to do. I wanted to give up tons of times, everything was so messed up and sometimes I just couldn’t see how things were gonna get any better. I didn’t like talking about what I did, or why I did it. Now I’m working on how to deal with my anger. I don’t have any excuses for what I did. I was abused when I was young, but that does not excuse what I put my family through.

I’m now 18 and doing ok. I’m still in therapy. I’ve got heaps of work to do to fix my relationship with my family. Things are not great with my brothers and sister, but my mum and step-dad are still really supportive and believe I can get better (well most of the time). I am truly sorry for what I did and I hope my story will help others who might be doing stuff that’s not ok. There is help, you can always stop, and it is NEVER too late to ask for help.

Find places to get help or advice.

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Garry's Story

I thought what I was doing was sweet as, I wasn’t hurting anyone. They didn’t even know I was there. I’d just watch. I’d been having all these sexual thoughts about my cousins since I was about 14.

I did lots of things so they’d trust me. They were around six years younger than me, so I was the cool older cousin. We laughed and joked heaps. I showed them DVDS they weren’t allowed to watch. I had just turned 16, so I showed them R16 films and stuff. Later I started showing them other things, R18 things. They laughed to begin with, but the more hard-core sexual stuff got them a bit freaked out. It was our secret. I told them they would get in trouble if they told anyone.

I started trying to sleep over at their house more. One night I came into their room, when they were sleeping. I wasn’t going touch them much, I just wanted to get myself off, but when I reached under the blankets to touch my youngest cousin she woke up and freaked out. She started yelling. I tried to keep her quiet, but her mum busted in and found me in there with my pants undone.

They called my parents, and then they called the cops. I was taken away for questioning. I have never felt so shamed in all my life. Even though I hadn’t touched them, what I did was wrong. I know that now. My parents were really disappointed in me. My sister was scared of me, even though I would never do anything to her. I had to live with someone else while they figured out if it would be safe for my sister if I lived at home. One of the things that sucked the most was how my family looked at me, like they didn’t know who I was.

I am now in a programme for teenagers that did sexual stuff against kids. It’s a group of dudes my age; we’ve all done stuff that is not ok. We have to talk, that can be really hard. There is lots of therapy, and that’s not fun. But I know now that I have to change. I may be having a tough time, but I know the pain I put my cousins and family through is way worse than the crap I’m feeling from being in here. I’m stoked I got caught when I did. I can see that I could have been like some of these guys I’m with. At least two of the guys in my group have criminal records and they aren’t even 17!

I’m really great at heaps of stuff. I can draw really well and I want to be a graphic designer. I did something really bad, but that doesn’t define who I am. If you are wondering if you have a problem, ask yourself: do you have to hide what you are doing or feel ashamed or guilty about your actions? If you do, ask for help. It is never too late to change.

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