What is consent?

ConsentConsent
Is a free agreement between everyone involved in any sexual experience. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on. is about getting clear ‘Yes’ messages and knowing for sure that anyone you are with is all good with what is happening. The absence of a ‘No’ does not mean ‘Yes’.

Consent involves:

• Communicating with the person you want to be sexual with to make sure they are also consenting to what is happening.
• Fully knowing what you are agreeing to sexually.
• Getting an enthusiastic ‘Yes’ from whomever you want to be sexual with for whatever you are suggesting.
• Feeling relaxed and safe to explore what feels good for you and your partner.
• ConsentConsent
  Is a free agreement between everyone involved in any sexual experience. A free agreement can not happen when someone is verbally, physically or emotionally forced or threatened, tricked, if someone is too wasted on drugs or alcohol or if they are under the age of 16. A free agreement means that everyone was keen on everything that was happening and they all knew what was going on. is a process. It can change at any time or be withdrawn depending on what you are doing and how people are feeling.
• Everyone being 16 or over. Click here for more info on the age of consent.

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Consent is not:

• Being sexual with someone without checking in with them.
• Tricking someone into doing something they didn’t want to do sexually.
• Silence, “No”, “Stop”, “I’m not sure”, turning away, putting on clothes, tensing up, looking sad or uncomfortable.
• Being sexual with someone who is wasted on drugs or alcohol.
• A binding contract.
• Forcing/pressuring someone into doing something sexual.
• Being sexual with people under the age of 16. Click here for more info on the age of consent.

Click here for more info about Consent and the law

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Steps for Consent

Four steps to consent are:

1) Ask

Ask yourself what you are keen to do sexually. Ask the person you are with the same thing – it can be as simple as “So…what do you want to do?” or “Are you sure you want to do this”?

Click through to see examples of How to ask someone to have sex and Do I want to have sex?

2) Listen

Listen for ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ messages from yourself and the other person. When listening, remember to notice body language as well as what is said out loud – some people find it really hard to say ‘No’ verbally.

If someone is saying “Maybe”, “I’m not sure”, backing away, staying really still or being silent you can figure that they are not saying ‘Yes’. Back off and go back to Step One: Ask them how they are feeling. Click here for a list of what ‘Yes’ messages and ‘No’ messagescan sound and look like.

3) Respect

Respect the person you are sexual with. You might be keen to be sexual with them, but if they’re not so sure - show respect and stop what you’re doing. Respect what they are feeling. Don’t force, pressure or guilt them into doing something they don’t want to do.

4) Reflect

Reflecting on what you’ve done sexually can help you learn about what you like. Talk with the person you were with, see what they liked, what do they want to do again, and what needs some practice.

For examples of what to say and some things to ask yourself click here.